Conclusions

We find as we age that there are seasons for everything, and we must accept and prepare for the inevitable loss of the ones we love. The most important thing to keep in mind is that there is no timetable for your grief. Patience and self-confidence are essential. With time and support, these wounds will heal.

Expert: George Vaillant, M.D.

George E. Vaillant, M.D., is a widely respected researcher, a psychiatrist at Brigham and Women's Hospital, and a professor at the Harvard Medical School. He is also the author of several books, including Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life, Adaptation to Life, Wisdom of the Ego, and the classic The Natural History of Alcoholism.

Dr. Vaillant cites a series of controllable factors that lead to successful aging. They are:

• Refrain from smoking and the abuse of alcohol and drugs.
• Exercise regularly and keep physically active.
• Keep your weight under control.
• Continue to pursue education and cultivate new interests.
• Maintain a successful marriage or relationship before the age of 50.
• Help others and contribute to society. Participate!
• Understand that stress is a condition of life, and develop mechanisms to handle stress.
• Have fun and always keep your sense of humor.

Expert: John Logan

Dr. John Logan is Distinguished Professor of Sociology and Public Policy at the University at Albany, SUNY. He also is Director of the Lewis Mumford Center for Comparative Urban and Regional Research. He is coauthor of the book Family Ties: Enduring Relations between Parents and Their Grown Children, which won the William J. Goode Distinguished Book Award of the American Sociological Association. Dr. Logan continues to do research and write about intergenerational relations, including comparisons between families in the United States and China, and studies of immigrant families in the late 19th Century.

Some suggestions for seniors experiencing the loss of a partner:

• Stay in touch with other family members! Grown children, even living far away, are an important part of older people's social networks.
• Rely on your children! Surveys show that most parents worry about imposing on their grown children, while children welcome chances to help. Regular contact and help are an asset for both parents and their children.
• Use the phone! Or join the email revolution. Research shows that men are not very comfortable on the telephone, but it is a very personal and inexpensive way to stay connected. Email is getting easier all the time.